Tomorrow could be boring

Once upon a time I was virtually cool

The trick to Sky's 'free broadband' offer is that they don't provide you with any. That's what it's beginning to feel like. We moved here on the 21st of December and through various trials and tribulations managed to finally get a broadband activation date for the 4th of February. This itself is horrifying for internet nerds like us. We've been surviving on the dial-up dongle.

It is now 13th of February and we still haven't got broadband and don't know when it'll be connected. Good job it's FREE!

Meanwhile, our alter egos on World of Warcraft are twiddling their thumbs and kicking around tumbleweed. There they are, in their shiny (then) top of the range gear, which we earned through many late-night and weekend hours of end-game raiding. Once upon a time we had a very high gear score. Now, with two new patches between the time we were able to play and the time we'll eventually be able to log on, we'll suck again. We'll no longer be top-of-the-range virtual heroes. We're behind! The guild we were in has disbanded and our raiding buddies have scattered across the server.

In November, I said to Timo: "This is the first time since we've been playing that I feel we're actually not playing catch-up."

I kind of jinxed us, didn't I?

I did get Spore for Christmas and was so excited by it that I ordered the extra parts pack and Galactic Adventures too. Unfortunately Spore has some fatal flaws. Its early gameplay is by far the most enjoyable; swimming around in the primordial soup and evolving your tiny cell. The creature stage is a lot of fun - collecting parts and designing your creature (in a way that has nothing to do with actual evolution, since you can just rip off your limbs and start again if you find suckers instead of hooves and fancy those because they give you better stats). There are millions of possible combinations. I spent hours over Christmas creating all kinds of bizarre monsters and cute two-legged cows.

It's the space-stage that makes this game suck big time. Nonsensical gameplay design aside (you can't build a proper fleet of different ships for starters), the bugger keeps randomly blue-screen crashing on you. And there is no autosave. I'm yet to complete a single game. Instead I keep designing creatures in the designer. That's fun, but then you want to do something meaningful with your critters.

There is a patch that's meant to solve the space-stage crashes, but I'd have to be able to download it online. I've tried logging on with the dongle connected, but no patch seems to want to download. Either this is Electronic Arts' fault, or down to not having a proper internet connection.

Either way my gaming-hobby has certainly suffered lately! It's just about the only thing that stops my brain turning over work-things, so I hope I get it back soon. Everyone needs down-time.

I have a cow thing

The cows are multiplying. It all started as an extremely nerdy inside joke. You see, once upon a time there was this turn-based-strategy game called Master Of Orion. I never played it, but I did get hugely addicted to its second release, imaginatively named Master Of Orion II. For the sake of brevity, fans had come to call this game series MOO. You may see where this is going.

When rumours begun to circle about a possible - gasp - third version, I was very excited indeed. Imagine the possibilities! I won't expand on the wishlists die hard fans of the series started compiling (for the simple fact that they won't make any sense unless you've played the game), but just imagine someone telling you that soon it would be possible to get rid of many of the frustrating aspects of your favourite past-time (the new reading chair has a set of special features that prevent eye strain and rubberneckedness! Your reading experience has been improved hundredfold! And what about that TV remote? Can't find it? No need; with the new feature in TV watching III you can now control the screen with your mind...). And so forth.

So, along with hundreds, or possibly even thousands of gullible idiots, I pre-ordered the game without having read a single review.

That was a really stupid thing to do. You see, MOOIII sucked. It was awful. Like an Excel spreadsheet with a giant GO button to end turn and minuscule space-y graphics in an attempt to somehow connect it to space-opera. Charts that you didn't really have much control over. It was hideously unplayable, dissatisfying - and worse; it was a giant departure from MOOII, which angered fans even further. Apparently the "original version" had been somewhat similar, but none of us Johnny-come-latelies (the ones who got hooked from MOOII onwards) really gave a shit about that; we wanted our space battles and ship building screens and cool blue-skinned alien babes!

In true Comic book guy style, many of us looked to the Internet to register our disgust within minutes. There was a web address on the MOOIII box. It took us to the official forums for the game publisher. We registered, ranted, connected... and some of us formed a little sub-faction of our own under the Monthy Pythonesque heading "Pirates of the Dwarf Cove" - and to cut the long story short(er), departed, formed our own online community, started arranging real-life meets and left the whole MOO thing behind. It led us together, but it was no longer the single unifying factor.

MOO stuck for quite a while though. We gave each other cow-themed presents. I ended up accumulating many cow print objects. There was the Pirate theme too. I think my most bizarre purchase in a long while was a stuffed cow dressed in a Pirate costume. It sometimes comes with me to special events and always draws attention.

One of the most important things that happened as a result of the Pirate/Cow community thing was, of course, the meeting of soulmates, the coming together of two hearts (and later, pelvises). True love is so amazing, isn't it? I suppose meeting someone of like mind in a community formed around a common interest is less of a coincidence than one could presume, but the fact that Timo was also half-Finnish did come as a bit of a welcome shock. Anyway, that's not what I'm writing about today.

I'm writing about my cow thing. I have a new cow-related obsession. It is closely linked with my ice-cream related obsession (side-thought: can taste preferences be genetically inherited? My mother was practically obsessed with ice cream).

I have discovered... The Skinny Cow (I'd link to their UK website, but they are using the heinous word "indulge" in big, pink letters on the front page and it makes me feel like someone's dragging nails on a blackboard. Plus the US site shows a dazzling array of flavours that us UK consumers can only have slobbery dreams about). I'm trying to cut down on junk food in a desperate attempt not to balloon to size 24 before our July 2007 wedding (I'm trying to slip that wedding thing in haphazardly here and there, so as not to get clammy hands every time I think about it. It's not working yet). However, I seem to suck at trying to give up junk food. I am terrible at it. I've probably managed one day without either ice cream or chocolate. Granted, I don't shovel lard and sugar into my face 24-7, but why oh why can't I go for even one, say, WEEK without polishing off half a bag of Maltesers, or an ice cream cone or two? This has got to stop!

So, The Skinny Cow seems to be a passable compromise. Instead of Ben & Jerry's calorific artery-clogging double-bypass ice cream sandwich, or even a humble portion of Green & Black's vanilla ice cream... I've switched to raspberry and vanilla cones that have 122 calories and 5% fat. Not so horrific. I should also be avoiding dairy and the sorbet-content in these cones is a welcomed component for that reason. Avoiding dairy would be a doddle if there were no such things as ice cream and cheese. I am very happy with Soy milk and Soy yogurts.

Now I just have to find out if anyone does timed locking mechanisms for the freezer compartment of household fridges. Having "low calorie option" ice cream is bloody useless if you eat two in a row...

Spaceships and giant chickens

One of my favourite forms of escapism is gaming. Not just any kind. The space opera megalomania-kind, or the hero building RPG kind are definitely most fun for me. Any turn based strategy game, or an RPG stands a chance, but only the CIV series seems to stand the test of time as something worth returning to over and over again.

CIV 3 was a little dissapointing with bugs and inherited problems, but the addition of an independent plug-in called Double your pleasure took it to a new level. Some might say it transforms CIV 3 to such a degree that it becomes a different game. I am waiting for the fourth installment in the CIV series. Release date: somewhere in Quarter four. In time for Christmas, of course.

Bizarre, but true: the game Master of Orion 3 is indirectly responsible for my current relationship. Timo and I met through a group that started at the (now empty) MOO3 forums and splintered off to form their own community.

MOO3 turned out to be a total flop (deservedly so, I think. It was pretty stinky). In its place, something strikingly similar (only better!) emerged: Galactic Civilizations.

I've only just started playing GalCiv; whilst I enjoy gaming, I certainly don't have a lot of time for it as a hobby, so certain things just have to wait. Therefore I opted out of buying this title when it was released. Timo bought it as part of a special offer last week. He (very kindly) resisted the urge to hog it.

One of the biggest gaming features of both our lives has been Final Fantasy Online. It's a small wonder I've managed to stay away from MMORPGs as long as I have, but when a Final Fantasy title came into the picture - well, that was it. I had to be a part of it.

I think Final Fantasy VII was the game that sold the entire FF world to me. It is probably one of the best games ever made.

It is wonderful to see some central themes carry on through the titles. Certain pieces of music, characters and so on. And Chocobos! How could you not love a ride through a breathtaking landscape on a giant chicken?

FFXI Online has its downsides. Due to its gameplay structure, certain aspects of the game begin to resemble real life just a little too closely. Like the constant need to make money.

And when tasks in a game end up on your things-to-do list, that's just wrong. Escapism is meant to be an actual escape.