Maybe "understanding human nutrition" will help with my coffee addiction

The next course in the series that'll make up my Certificate in Contemporary Science has landed this week - the exciting brown Open University parcel containing all the course materials arrived! It feels just like going back to school; getting course books, going to the stationery department of Akateeminen Kirjakauppa and stuffing your backpack full. Lovely, in other words.

These basic science courses have been such a boost and so much fun, but most of all, they've helped me stop pooh-pooing my ability to grasp the maths required. My maths-gremlin was big, hairy and loud, left from the Finnish-Russian school days where we'd be bullied by the teacher for not memorising the day's homework in fluent Russian and reciting it in front of the class the next morning. I've always conceded that yes, I may have been slightly put off by that, but you know, maybe those teachers were onto something and I didn't really have that much of a talent for maths beyond the basics. Which was a shame, because otherwise I may have been encouraged to continue my chemistry studies further than I did. I've looked at my old school grades and was a little surprised that my memory betrays me; I'd been doing very well (getting 8 & 9 grades on a scale of 4-10 from both Chemistry and Physics before my maths teacher convinced me I was crap). I did carry on with biology and psychology - the "softer" subjects (and chose those for my final exams too; similar thing to A-levels).

My biology teacher was amazing. The official one at school and the unofficial one at home (an "older boy" I moved in with when I was 16 and he was 23. He was a biology student at the Helsinki Uni at the time). Motivation is a funny thing; if you have a reason to do the "look, Ma!" thing (even if the person who you want to do the looking isn't your Ma), you can do amazing things. You might wonder what a 16-year old girl was doing moving out of home, but that was shortly after the mum running away from home and leaving me with no electricity, food or money-incident, so I just decided "fuck it, I'm out of here." But that's another story.

I guess one of the things I'm really happy about the OU is that I'm mostly doing it to prove something to myself. The topics are relevant to my big dreams too. Few years ago I dreamed of reaching a level of personal experimentation and understanding behind the magic of perfume formulation that'd maybe allow me to do some simple natural perfumes. I lamented the fact that in the real, pro circles, you'd usually need to have an education to match and wondered about the ability to self study the topic. And how far that'd get you. I'm way, WAY off from being a perfumer or a cosmetic scientist, but I've begun to think that maybe that's possible. So far, I'll be glad to get this OU certificate complete (4 more courses to go) and to carry on learning the basic skills at work. Then, hopefully, I'll be able to do the IFEAT perfumery course, after which I'd absolutely love to do the Society of Cosmetic Scientists diploma course. This four-pronged approach of on-the-job training by my current employer, formal science studies, perfumery and cosmetic science studies should enable me to gain a good understanding and a set of useful skills. Also, please pinch me.

Fitting in the studies has been hard. I am busy these days (well, I've always kept myself busy, but now I'm so busy that I can just about stop for long enough to go: boy, I'm busy). Wow, talk about over-using the word BUSY. Now it sounds like bees buzzing. Anyway, where was I? Yes, BUSY. I love everything I'm doing now, but it does take its toll in free time. I find myself foruming and surfing at midnight, or catching my emails quickly in the morning before catching a train. On the days I work from home, I get so fully absorbed in what I'm doing (love it, love it; it's called flow, I'm told - colour me addicted!) that switching gears from work-head to anything-else-head becomes extremely hard. Besides, when you're tired from thinking (home days) or tired from travelling (all the other days), sitting down with a sheet that requires you to balance chemical formulas is a little daunting.

I think my study skills have improved as a result of the OU. I'm still learning, obviously - and I'm a long way from feeling fully comfortable with the amount of work required (10 hours a week sounds easy until you try to fit them in and until you realise that all of those 10 hours need to be fairly intense for you to pass the course. And since I'm not happy just to pass - I want to pass with flying colours - there were a couple of caffeine-fuelled nights spent until the small hours, trying to revise before an assessment. Not a strategy I 'd recommend).

This time, I'm going to do more in the beginning to make it easier towards the end. The course is due to start on the 1st of September, but I'm going to start tomorrow (first, by going over some stuff from the last course just to refresh my memory).  Also, I'm going on a work trip to Chicago for the first official course week (typical), so I'd better get ahead or I'll be behind. And, this is exactly why it's hard for me to fit these studies in, but I'm so determined to plough through and get these qualifications that I don't care. I'll do whatever it takes.

Speaking of caffeine, my boss has this theory - that it could be behind my migraines. I've not drunk full strength coffee for over a month and I've only had one migraine so far (and that was after I swear someone at Starbucks gave me the real stuff by accident). Damn; the boss might be right. I love the smell and taste of coffee so much, that I've not been able to give it up entirely. I've found some palatable brands of decaf to use at home. Now if I could only somehow just stop craving the drink entirely. I don't think I even want to. Maybe I'll learn something on the course that'll make me see the light.